[video]
“I would like to give these kids a good home. In fact, there’s one a few miles away from here…” — Bernie Mac
Andy Kaufman
[video]
“A lot of people say that it’s a lack of vocabulary that makes you swear. Rubbish. I know thousands of words but I still prefer “fuck”.” — Billy Connolly
Janeane Garofalo
(Source: standupcomedyportal.com)
[video]
“The best definition of an honest politician is one who… when he is bought, stays bought.” — Alan King
“I’m not a person who I ever thought would do well with divorce. Not that it can’t happen. I just didn’t want that. So I waited a long time to meet the right person. Then I finally met someone that I was willing to be divorced from.” — Albert Brooks
“I got so good at writing to a budget, my brain was restricting myself. I’d write, “It’s a stormy night.” Then I’d cross out stormy. I’d write: “It’s a calm night.” Then I’d cross out night. It’s noon. Because you know how much night costs. You know how much rain costs. Nothing comes free in movies.” — Albert Brooks