Stand-Up Comedy Portal
I’m not a person who I ever thought would do well with divorce. Not that it can’t happen. I just didn’t want that. So I waited a long time to meet the right person. Then I finally met someone that I was willing to be divorced from.
Albert Brooks
I got so good at writing to a budget, my brain was restricting myself. I’d write, “It’s a stormy night.” Then I’d cross out stormy. I’d write: “It’s a calm night.” Then I’d cross out night. It’s noon. Because you know how much night costs. You know how much rain costs. Nothing comes free in movies.
Albert Brooks
As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
Alan King
Bill Hicks
Bill Maher
Bill Hicks
Woody Allen
George Carlin
Steve Martin
Woody Allen